Honesty

The Honesty Game

Alright it's not really a game. More like a moment of truth.

But I wish people wouldn't ask me to be honest even after I tell them that sometimes the truth will hurt.

I have this problem where I just don't like to lie.

Why is that a problem you ask?

Well sometimes people get hurt.

I can usually just get around the issue but when you ask for me to be honest then that is exactly what I have to do.

I try to do it as nicely as possible without too much pain knowing it's going to hurt either way.

I realize now it's time to show how much I love.

I will step back and give you space.

Stop showing all the things that say I love you but at the same time telling you the way I feel knowing you will hurt.

I do love you BUT I'm confused.

I'm way too confused to understand myself.

And you know how hard it is for me to lie if you look me in the eye and say be honest.

I hate the honesty game as I call it because someone always gets hurt.

I don't like to cause pain on anyone and for that I'm sorry.

Wednesday

Have to make this as short as possible since I'm supposed to be busy doing something.

I said over 3 hours ago I was going to walk away from the computer and finish a project and here I am.

But I'm happy, today was the last day of "stupid" State Wide Mandated testing for Erik.

And it was his first day back to a new season of swim team!!!

First day back at practice and no complaints.

Only 8 more years to go kid, then you won't be forced to swim any longer but there better be a scholarship! :)

I think Anthony still has one or two days left since they are his exit level tests and wish him the best of luck.

The morning began really crappy (won't even go there) but it has ended great.

Went and got my new Assumed Business name and have no clue what I'm doing with it yet. LOL.

And had a nail removed from my tire.

All is well that ends well.

Few more hours of work around here and maybe I'll be able to post some pictures, otherwise not until tomorrow.

Night friends, followers, stalkers, and those that just like to read. I enjoy having you all around.

You can love me or love to hate me!
-my quote for tonight. 

Control

Ever feel like you've had the air knocked out of your chest,

yet no one has touched you and nothing has physically happened to you?

I hate that feeling!

Seems to be one that happens a lot lately.

Is it a struggle for power, a struggle of control?

Everytime I feel like I'm losing it, I lose the air I breathe as well?

Step away!

Look at the big picture!

Remind myself who and what matters in this game we call Life.



Everywhere....my mind, thoughts!

"Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
— Marilyn Monroe

There is nothing creative about this blog post!

My mind is everywhere with thoughts shooting out in every direction.

And I don't expect any of this nonsense to make sense.

I just think writing will give me a sense of direction or one can hope.

I hope though to share something creative beyond writing and my life.

I already forgot what I was writing about as the computer was about to crash, that and having two computers and an ipad all going at once is enough to confuse me at this late hour of the night.

My first complaint: I can't find my tiara. LOL. I need it by Friday. Imagine this, a girl roaming the city of Houston and the suburbs wearing her tiara on the day of the Royal Nuptials. Someday I'll go to England. And with enough time watching Jamie Oliver: Food Revolution maybe I can pick up the accent as well. LOL.
Honestly: There are two words I already have trouble saying right....thanks to my old historical geology professor (skeletal, I have to really think about this one, I now pronounce it skuh-lee-tul, or something like that, he engrained it in my brain). Thankfully his pronunciation of hurricane didn't stick, it used to drive me mad.
And thanks to Jamie Oliver I have issues with the word process, I pronounce it pro- you know like a pro baseball player, etc, so pro- then cess......

Another word I can't say and my family thinks it's funny but I'm not sure what is wrong with it and most people that hear it don't either, maybe it's because my husband is a yankee, but it's "ringer" oh and "hanger."
The things I get hounded about. :)
But my one and first dream has been England, then New York but I'm burning out on NY.

I will have to tell you what my son told me when discussing New York tonight with my husband and of course he was in the room. You have to understand he will be 17 soon so I try to remember he's a hormonal teenager with only certain things on the mind. Good Lord, Please Save me!
So I'm explaining that my mother wants to go to NY with me.
No one else does.
I personally don't think she'll enjoy it the way I will though.
I plan on Musicals, Bloomingdale's, and just getting out there.
And yes I'm riding the subway. I decided that will be my tennis shoe and non coach purse day, need to have a little safety. LOL.
My son asks me, "why, NY?"
He says he has never cared for there.
I explain books that I've read and just things I envision.
Women working their way to the top of companies, mostly glamour magazine, etc. Things I don't want to do but am glamourized into.
He replies, "you know how they move up, don't you?"
At that moment I wanted to slap him, not literally but I knew what he was getting at.
I had to tell him to take his mind somewhere else, women don't have to sleep with people and do horrible things to demean themselves to get to the top. I'm so ashamed of those thoughts. Boys!
But regardless I'm going even if I have to go alone.

Another topic: Love.

This was the hardest one to find a picture for, it's hard to find something to explain love.

I've been thinking about that word a lot: LOVE

It's something that is said too loosely between people.

I remember saying, "I love you" in fifth grade.

Seriously, what did I know?

I said it in Junior High, again what did I know?

How does a person know they have truly fell in love?

I have truly fell in love. I know because why it feels so wonderful, I found that it hurt as well.

I'm not saying everyone feels pain with love, that is just my experience.

I realize I never loved all those times I used those words, even half of those times I used them.

But now I know what it means to really have those feelings, to really love someone.

But is love enough?

Enough for what? Enough to keep two people going.

Can they totally fall in love again?

Or can you fall in love more than once?

Just my ponderings of love.

It's probably one of the things I am scared of the most. The feelings associated with love and the hurt that accompanies it. But it's not worth living without ever having loved at least once.

I love using Marilyn Monroe Quotes so here are a few I want to end this note on.

This is how I used to feel.

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."

— Marilyn Monroe

But using this feeling means you never experience love. You have to put yourself out there and give it a try. If you get hurt, get up, wipe your eyes, and move on.

"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."

— Marilyn Monroe

This is the most magical feeling in the world to me. Just staring into ones eyes, not saying anything at all and knowing you are in love.

And my very last thought of the night:

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

— Marilyn Monroe

It is from here that I learn to be open to find out the reasons that things happen. Why are things changing? And eventually will you ever learn to trust others than yourself? If not, you will NEVER love in the first place or fall in love again.

But I do believe that good things do fall apart so better things can fall together.

We don't know why but there is a greater being that has the answers, we just have to be patient.

I hope that everyone experiences TRUE LOVE at least once in their life. :)

And for now:

"The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream."

— Marilyn Monroe

Good Night!

I'm getting so sleepy that I no longer feel I can make sense.

Guess what I bought today/night??

Yes, I'm bragging about spending money just in case a certain someone is looking at my blog AND I don't care.

And for that person here is a quote for you:

"its better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what your not"
— Marilyn Monroe

"Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world."
— Marilyn Monroe

That quote will sum up purchase #1.

Aren't they beautiful? They will go great with my dress, I just know it.

Here's me tonight and the past few nights.

"Who said nights were for sleep?"
— Marilyn Monroe

And purchase #2.

Just bought off of HSN through flexpay! This will make Provo Craft cutter # 4!

But we all know that I NEED them all.

Before my husband left tonight as I was griping about him volunteering for the night shift he asked me these questions?

"How do you think I afford your hair getting done?" (That was two days ago..duh!) :P

"How do I you think I pay for those shoes you bought today?"

"How do you think I afford all of those cutter machines?"

I did offer to pay him back after I get paid this Summer. LOL. :)



Disney World Bound in just under 8 months!!!

Last night I booked and paid for a Christmas trip to Disney World!

This is one trip my kids still talk and rave about from when we went in 2007.

We've decided it's time to go again.

Since 2005 the boys have been to either Disneyland or Disney World every two years.

Anthony will be out of the house before I know it. By the time the 2013 Disney trip comes he'll be 19 and maybe too busy for us so I'm going to make the VERY best of this vacation.

We're going from December 23-28th!

My favorite character:

Dave's favorite character:

Anthony's favorite character(s):

Erik's favorite character:

And pray next year's trip isn't TOO expensive because Anthony gets a big weigh in on it since he'll be a senior in High School!



Hate waking up in a bad mood!

I didn't go to bed until 6 this morning.

Don't ask, don't tell.

I didn't plan it that way, it's just how it happened.

I think the hunger took over followed by wanting to read a book.

Here I wake up though at NOON and in a bad mood.

Why?

One word: MEN!

I'm not even sure what they did.

I think it must've been something I dreamed. LOL.

The only therapy I can find for it is to shop and found that Coach is having an online shoe sale.

I need shoes by Friday. :)

Girls, whatcha think about these?

http://www.coach.com/online/handbags/-shoes_shoesale-10551-10051-5000000000000139552-en?t1Id=105&t2Id=5000000000000139552&tier=2&LOC=LN

Coach Ginger Heel in Wine

And think they would go with this dress?

I'm giving myself a little time to decide. Trying to blow off some steam first. :)

Update: The shoes are mine!

Having a diet crisis!!!

I'm having one of those to hell with eating good moments.

This is day 2 of feeling like I'm starving to death at 2am.

I think I may run out while the kids are sleeping and get some fries from Whataburger. Sigh.

Maybe I could run it off or something tomorrow?

Or nearly kill myself playing Just Dance 2 while they are at school! LOL.

I didn't eat much today, dishes are piled a mile high because my husband baked (I think) 4 cakes, I don't know it could be more. And he made majority of the icing himself which results in a HUGE mess.

All the food is frozen and I need to go grocery shopping.

What is one large order of french fries, right? :)

I'm totally caving and going in 15 minutes and will be back to read Mockingjay before I get some sleep.

Looks like so far I'm not working tomorrow, after I get back from my convention in June I think I will look for a part-time Summer job. I'm sort of looking forward to it.

I want to start trying to write a story. I'm not sure if I want it to be a short story or turn it into a novel.

But I'm thinking if I take a job at one of the places I want to list in the book that it might open my mind some more.

And it's definitely going to be about LOVE. :)

Organization Part I-Complete

I'm sure you remember this mess.

I had no idea where the Imagine was going to go much less this huge mess.

This was a combination of a mess already and then the added stuff from throwing everything around getting ready for the Texas Stampede and then coming home and throwing more there.

Here is the table now, nice and clean. I promise it's not done though because I have to add all my tools I use while using the machines. Mats, my pink tool kit, and my big kick has to sit up there somewhere.

But Mission 1 complete!

Now where would I put an E2 if I got it?

If I don't get called into work tomorrow I do plan on finishing the table up and loading up the Imagine. Plus a lot more work on top of this. It's so exciting finally getting myself organized.

HSN E2 Cricut

I've read this on multiple sources:

HSN Pricing on E2 is $344.95 with 5 flex pays ($68.99 each); item # 128077 and shipping is $16.21. Comes with E2 and the 4 pre-loaded cartridges that we've been showing (Just A Note, Cricut Decals, Cricut American Alphabet, Cricut Essentials).

Now to decide if I'm going to get it or not. Not long to decide and no where to hide it. LOL

Cricutcraftroom.com Blog Giveaways

Go Here.... http://mycricutcraftroom.blogspot.com/2011/04/ccr-guide-and-my-2-week-e2-ccr.html?showComment=1303565976964#c184642481098296003

She is having lots of giveaways on her blog!

Plus she made a guide to help you out on the New CCR Program!

And she is super nice!

Enjoy and Good Luck!

15lb Mark!!

Yay, I finally hit the 15lb mark in my weight loss!

Of course I wake up this morning suddenly starving like I haven't had food in weeks. :)

But I'm proud!

Now here's to hoping for no steroids (solumedrol IV or pills) this Summer to cause the weight to be put back on!

This is weight I'm taking off from last Summer for the very exact reason.

10 more lbs until my final goal!

Friday. No Work. And still up Early!

I don't remember what time I went to bed last night but I do know I got sleep for more than 2-3 hours.

I'm very happy!

I woke up on my own before my alarm went off at 6:30am. I had forgotten to turn it off.

On a normal working day I can't even get myself up that easily. I usually push the snooze button.

I wanted to share a good deal I got at Michaels. It wasn't the best deal in the world but good regardless. I found the cartridge Mini Monsters for $24.99.

I had to get them to scan in order to give me the price. The tag on the shelf was still showing $89.99 but I had seen it on clearance at another one but they were soldout so I decided it couldn't hurt to have them scan.

I think Sentimentals was on clearance at both stores as well as 1-2 cartridges. I know it's not as great as their $9.99 clearance they had a while back but a deal is a deal and I finally bought an I-rock.

This is going to be a hard one....blog giveaway ENDED!

I realize what I'm asking for is a whole lot.

But if/once I get 100 followers and yes I realize I'm only at 11 then I will have a blog giveaway!

I have a NEW unopened Old West Cartridge to giveaway!

You will need to follow AND leave a comment. Any comment will do but mostly I will just need a way to contact you in case you are the winner!

We Have A Winner! She has been contacted and replied!
Congrats Again Justina!

I realize this may take a while but the cartridge will still be there waiting until then.

Sleep Suggestions, anyone?

Wow, I tried to get some sleep.

I managed to get anothe 3 hours in.

I'm not sure what is going on.

Maybe I'm still dealing with the energy drink from two days ago. LOL.

Last night you will never guess what I did?

I played Just Dance 2 on the wii.

I've had the wii for years now and I buy lots of games for it including ones for workout but I NEVER use them. But last night I promised Erik I would play Just Dance 2. I don't think I've ever had such a workout in my life.

When I was done I was so hot and tired.

And I swear if they ever think of video taping me looking like a fool I will strangle them all. :)

We did have to have the duct tape downstairs though for just in case.

In your head I know you are wondering, why?

I'm really supposed to stay away from video games especially with children around because I get extremely frustrated with them.

Erik thinks it is the funniest thing ever so sometimes he will try to get me to play just to watch me yell, stomp my feet, and act like a 2-year old playing video games. hahaha.

This is the exact duct tape he had ready to tape my mouth with! Gotta love kids.

Tonight is a battle between Erik who is 10 by the way and myself when he gets home from cubscouts.

But I must say sleep would be nice.....maybe tonight?!



Day 2, Little Sleep!

I'm not sure how I'm still sitting here and able to type.

I might've had an hour of sleep between 1-2am but I'm really not sure it was a whole hour.

I'm going to try again soon.

This makes two days with approximately 3-4 hours total and a woman needs her beauty rest. :)

I called into work since I didn't think it was safe for me to drive to work on so little sleep

or safe for then 12 and 13 year olds I have to work with.

My patience level is really low and I'm easily agitated.

I do have pictures to share later though of the mini cricut cake machine being used finally.

Before I try some sleep I need to share a quote or two for the morning:

“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.”

~William Somerset Maugham and “One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.” ~Author Unknown

Cricut Circle Exclusive

The bug head embossing folders are in on the website.

You have to sign in though before you can place them in your cart. I ordered both circle exclusive ones as well as another cricut head one they had.

http://www.cricut.com/shop/#0/79/0/4/Cricut/

Here is the link to the circle exclusive ones.

I was going to add pictures of them but can't at this time because the school computers won't let me save them.

I'll try when I get off work at 4pm CST.

Finally it's 10:41pm and I have time to add the pictures.
I've been super busy since I got home and I'm still living on less than 3 hours of sleep and found out I'm needed at work tomorrow as well.

Anyone can order this one if I remember correctly!

This one is circle exclusive as well as the one underneath here.

I placed an order for all three today! :)

Less than 3 hours sleep and the energy is running low!

I went to bed hoping for 3 hours of sleep.

Instead I woke up half a dozen times thinking it was time to get up already.

I never did make it out for a run like I had hoped but I did get up and do my pushups and situps.

Then it was time to go into mom mode.

I quickly took a shower, got dressed, and then woke Erik up.

It sort of went downhill from there.

I am missing a shoe. I've looked everywhere for it. How does one lose one shoe and not the other?

I even looked in my scrapbooking room which now has 6 pairs of shoes in it. It is becoming a closet by having shoes, a jacket, and no telling what other clothes in there. It's really odd.

So I had to put on some really uncomfortable shoes today.

Then I didn't seem to do a good job at getting anything right for Erik, then again he really doesn't get my humour in the morning.

Made it out the door and to work in time.

The kids are so chatty today and excited that I'm here. I really wish for a few minutes of silence personally and that they just get their work done but got to love them.

After work I have to finally unpack the mini cricut cake machine from the box and show my husband quickly how a cricut works and give him a recipe for gum paste.

Erik and him have a mission: bake a cake for the cub scout bake sale!

And meanwhile I need to prepare dinner. I may even share the recipe tonight.

I am not a domestic goddess by any means at all.

Do you think there is time for a nap? Probably not.

Off to try my new energy drink.

Oh and I gained a pound since last week, nice eh?

Think working out is now a good idea because the diet is boring me to death.....too much tuna....blech!

Off to drink a Monster and read while I still have an off class period.

I'll share some pictures tonight of a nice quiet classroom and maybe other stuff as well.

Update:
That Monster was great! Finally one I can stand to drink. It's called Monster Rehab. It has tea + lemonade + electrolytes. Between that and my noon adderall I am still hanging in there. :)

3 hours and 15 minutes

That is how many hours and minutes before I will hear the alarm clock go off.

And those are the thoughts I will be thinking, can I shoot it?

I haven't had to get up and stay up in a week now.

This is what I get? I made the mistake of bringing a book to bed and couldn't stop reading.

I finally made myself stop on one chapter.

The morning is going to be hard. No amount of Monster or adderall is going to keep me in full alertness for a full day of school.

I finally found a can of monster that I can handle drinking today but it's way off the diet. Then again the diet just isn't working for me this week. Way too much going on.

But in 3 hours I will awake to do some situps and pushups as part of my new morning routine. I pray that I don't fall asleep during the situp portion. Then shower and get ready for a day with 7th graders.

Now if only I could look and feel that good doing situps in the morning.

I'm so tired thinking about it.

But I know I will reap the rewards this Summer. :)

It's time to thin down and trim up.

Off to sleep I go and get ready for the alarm that now will go off in 3 hours once my head hits that pillow.

And did I mention I plan on wearing heels to work tomorrow after all of this?

Save me from myself! :)



It's that time of the year!

It's swim season.

I went and signed Erik up today.

I will probably be near death by July when it finally ends considering it's April and already in the 90s outside.

But we do force him to swim in the Summer so I guess that comes with the territory.

I was totally suckered tonight though at the parent meeting. I need to just write

SUCKER

across my forehead, really. LOL. I took on a key volunteer position as volunteer coordinator. That means I have the joy of making sure that everyone is there for their position and run around and coerce people to volunteer for what isn't filled. I better remember how to be persuasive.

Practice starts next week and the first swim meet is May 21st.

I am lucky that this will be the first Summer ever that I get to miss one Saturday because I will be in Arlington. Need to find someone to cover me that day. But a day not in the sunny, heat sounds like paradise to me even though I'll miss the meet.

Be prepared for a lot of swimming pictures soon.

Off to eat dinner. I'm really behind on keeping up on my diet today. Oops.

And tomorrow I get to see the students again that I student taught so I'm excited!



My children and Erik's choir concert.

Last night was Erik's first Choir Concert.

He practices twice a week, on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

That means we get up and have to hurry out the door in fifteen minutes so he makes it on time.

Well he gets fifteen minutes but when I have to go to work I actually have to get up a lot earlier or I'd never be fully dressed and out the door on time.

This is something he has really committed himself to this year.

The number #1 reason for joining: GIRLS! I'm not talking elementary girls either.

It was the fact that he would get to perform for and with Junior High and High School girls. I have a feeling he is going to like the older women. He's always been a flirt with the older girls. :)

It's funny seeing how the boys are both so different in their likes in girls, sports, music, ecetera yet they have a lot of similiar likes. For instance, Erik does like red heads and so does Anthony. But they don't have to be red heads to be "the one."

Their career goals are completely different.

I can remember Anthony's first one was to be a veterinarian. He still has that same love in him for animals. I think that is why FFA has worked out so well for him this year and will in the upcoming year. Another love has been fire fighting and criminal justice. He is already thinking about possibly volunteering for the Vol. Fire Dept. here.

But he's still stuck in such an iffy place. For the longest time he was going to be a longhorn and go to UT but right now I think he's really trying to figure himself out.

It'll all work out and UT is a lot cheaper than Erik's options, thankfully.

Erik's goal since starting Kindergarten is that he wants to be a paleontologist. He realizes this entails majoring in Archaeology in order to get into paleontology. This has been a consisten for him. I realize he's only been in school for five years but you find that a lot of children end up having a passion in their adult life for the thing they did as a child.

His college options at the moment are Brown and he has now added Cambridge to that.

Either way he better get to swimming or something so he can earn some scholarships.

I have high hopes for the both of them and will do what is needed to help them obtain their goals and dreams.

Here are some pictures from last night's performance:

I miss having blonde hair like that! He has a nice smile and wouldn't give dad a kiss in public because he was embarrassed.

His school performing...

This is three elementary schools, one junior high, and one high school.



Multi-blogging Evening

At least the intention as I was driving around today was to have a multi-blogging evening.

I really wish I could blog while I drive because I have some of the greatest ideas.

Then I get near the computer and I forget all that I had to say.

What gives?

It has been a long day to say the least.

Woke up, took Erik to school, came home and took some benadryl.

It felt like I had the chicken pox because my back was itching so badly. The benadryl really knocked me out. I then decided when I woke up to go to the doctor. That was the biggest waste of a copayment EVER. I am itching and have a rash due to STRESS. Well, I already knew I was stressed, please tell me something I don't know already.

Well before all of this I was thinking......are there people that bring their cameras everywhere?

How can I share my life in words and pictures if I'm only sharing words and not the pictures.

So today I through my little camera in my purse and decided that is where it belongs for now on.

I want to share my life in pictures. :)

Here are the empty chairs in the waiting room at the doctor's office. I was the ONLY one there. I guess no one cares to go at 4pm.

These are my essentials: a purse, cell phone, and a book to read.

Well carrying a purse again is a new thing to me. I have been without using one for so long because I really hate bringing it to work on top of my big bag.

Cell phone is always a plus! +++

And I'm reading some fiction right now. It's the third book in the Hunger Games series called Mockingjay. I get into all of those teenager books while working with teens. Otherwise you are stuck clueless when they are talking about books they've read. And in some schools you are lucky if the kids will even read a book so I always like to have plenty of material to suggest to them when we go to the library. Hunger Games is currently setting up their cast to make a movie. I think it'll be pretty interesting. I was introduced to this series last school year during DEAR day (stands for drop everything and read). I needed a book to read because I was getting really bored and one of the teachers suggested it to me.

Now you know my must have essentials plus the stuff in my purse like a little pair of scissors, mints or something because my mouth gets dry a whole lot, but today I forgot a pen!

Then I took Anthony to Cavendars Boot City.

This really shows a mom's love to go there. After being there for so long I felt I was near death from the music and the lovely high prices on boots.

As you can see here he was not happy with a picture being taken but how else can I share the wonderful experience I was having. LOL.

And he made me be very selective on which boots made it into my camera lens. I didn't buy any though, only some shirts. What torture that was!

That hasn't even been the near of my day. But you get a glimpse. Now for a break before I blog some more on another subject.



Laughing at 6am!

I woke up with a horrible headache.

I almost just used some words that I don't even understand.

Seems to be happening since yesterday. I begin counting in one language and realize I'm suddenly in another. How does that occur?

And it's not like I'm multilingual either, it just happens.

Then after that, all day I had one foreign language in my mind. My mind and mouth were full of words that I forgot were there. I didn't even know I remembered them.

This has made the concept of becoming highly proficient in three languages other than English seem very scary for me. LOL.

Now I know how one of the mother's at cub scouts feels when her son goes from English to Arabic to French all in one sentence and he doesn't even realize the difference.

But back to the beginning. I woke up with a headache and a need for water. I'm not so sure how long I've slept. I know that I was a little tipsy then sometime or another went to bed.

I thought though I would get up and grab some tylenol and water and decided to read blogs.

I don't think I've ever read so many that have had me laughing like this.

I want to save them all just for the laughs they give me.

Supposedly blogging has really taken off in Australia and you have to love their sense of humour on those blogs. Ever want to get started just go to your dashboard and then to Blog to Note or something of that fashion and I'm sure there will be one to get you started that will link you to ten more to be addicted to. Hopefully though it won't be at some crazy hour of the morning when I could be getting an extra hour of sleep before waking Erik for school.

Back to laughs for 15 more minutes before I have to be la madre this morning! :)

Feeling NO love, now!

At least for the US Government!

I finished our taxes and I'm unhappy, sick, blah!

To me it really was that bad.

I decided on chocolate and Smirnoff Classic Lemonade to wash the sour taste down I have from doing them. Actually I decided on the chocolate and Dave decided on the Smirnoff for me.

I realize it could've been worse than $1000 but STILL! I was about to make a call and book our trip to Disney but now I'll wait until tomorrow.

Please pray tomorrow goes well also. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist to get new meds for depression and Dave is going with me so I don't tell the doctor any lies. LOL. I can't even be trusted to go there alone. I wasn't going to tell any lies, I was just going to leave a whole lot out. GRRR. It's a conspiracy I tell ya.

I still went and bought myself some stuff at Joanns.

Now for patience. I am expecting 3 emails from 3 different sources and I'm getting VERY impatient. But I'm going to practice some patience and hope I get at least one of them tomorrow. :)

But all three would be even better!

Tomorrow night is Erik's choir performance. It's at the High School and the main reason he joined choir. He wanted to be able to see the "older" girls. He's only ten and wants to see the Jr. High and High School girls, sigh!

And tomorrow is d-day, meaning it's back to the diet for me. I will only be able to do it though for about 7 days since the diet is only allowed 14 days at a time and before I got sick this weekend I was at about day 5.

I meet my goal and I'm getting my hair done.

Should I get blonde highlights (they will be nearly white from being so blonde) or go for straight out blonde hair (but then I have to worry about the roots)? Decisions, decisions.

And I was going to make a stamp tonight but guess what? My printer ran out of black ink while printing out tax stuff. Ugh! Fix that tomorrow as well.

Busy day! :)

Guess that's why I'm taking off work Monday and Tuesday, sweet!

Je t'aime

But I don't love doing taxes.

I was going to start on them a few hours ago but the internet stopped working.

I'm really not sure why/how that happens.

I have to do them tonight and be finished before tomorrow, trust me, there is NO love there.

I was trying "no buy" on crafty stuff until June.

I then realized that really is a LONG LONG LONG time.

And as the tax preparer I need to be paid for my time and energy. :)

I'm about to head out to Michaels and maybe Joanns to pay myself. I decided instead no buy for the WHOLE month of May but only on crafting stuff. :)

Then in June I'm going to spend like crazy at the GASC. They better be prepared for me and have lots of good stuff to buy. Now to figure out where all this money is coming from. LOL. I'll take pictures of what I buy. Then I'll do my taxes and if any energy is left in me it will be time to organize. But I still feel a little blah from this crazy not feeling good weekend.

-Au revoir

4/16/11

Today is my husband's birthday!

We are now the same age for 4 months and 2 days then I'll be back to being the oldest. LOL

He got up early and took Erik to the Scout Fair. It's a really big event for cub scouts.

Then he left Erik up there with some friends of ours because he had to work today. He's at work until midnight.

What a way to spend your birthday.

Erik was telling him on the phone how old he is and I could tell that Dave was asking how did he know?

He answered his dad, "I just do." I think it's funny because not many 10 year olds know how old their parents are and he doesn't forget.

What am I talking about? I only know the age of one of my parents and that's because my mom's birthday was in 1960 and I can't really forget that for some reason. (Now I'm showing kind of what my age is.....great!!!) My father though I have no clue but just know it's older than my mom.

I also know that if my husband's father was still alive today his age would be older than my grandfathers. That is strange considering we are the same age.

I guess no birthday celebration today between him working and me not feeling so well.

But I'm sure we'll make up for it on Monday night. :)

And hopefully his gift will come in the mail by then.  I didn't realize it took so long to get here.

Happy Birthday, love!

Still not feeling well!

I'm up for an hour or two and then back to bed.
All I want to do is sleep.
Thankfully no fever.
And of course there IS so much I want to do.
But I get up to do anything and my world starts to spin again.
Today the diet is off.
When you don't feel good then you either eat nothing, what is there, or what you can make yourself drive to get. :)
But I think I'm so miserable that I don't care.
Since I can't create I get online and see all the blogs I have saved for inspiration and to have a smile on my face for when I feel up to it again.
This world is full of so many talented people.

So much to do.

I have so much organization that I want to do.
Tons that I had planned for this weekend.
I even originally took off Friday(today) to get a head start on it.
Guess what? This is just my luck!
I slept in until nearly noon. Went downstairs and fell asleep again.
Went back to bed and didn't wake up until 6pm.
I noticed I was getting increasingly dizzy and could feel the sinus pain near my ears.
I went to urgent care tonight....sinus infection and fluid in my ears.
So if I move too much I feel so dizzy and sick.
It looks like no organization is to be had tonight. I am hoping to feel a little better tomorrow.
I have all these new toys and gadgets that I want to play with.
The imagine is still in the box as well as the others.
Hopefully soon I'll have good pictures to share. :)

I guess you're right

I guess you're right
it's time for me to go
and when the time is right
I'll take that flight
but for now I'll go near, not too far away
I'm not sure I'm meant to be a small town girl
and still trying to figure out my place in this world
I should've known since that night
more than ten years ago
that things weren't ever going to be right
I should've done something way back then
to alter the path that I've been laid in
I blame it on him, my youth, my innocence
that is what caused me to be screwed beyond repair
I've always fought
but in the end I never do really win
I'm an easy target, an easy prey
I look at what all I've lost
It may seem to be all
But in scheme of things
that isn't so true
there are two things for certain
that will always be "mine"
And they are the only things still worth my time
from here I realize it's time to go
until the time comes for me to step on that lonely flight
As I land I will renew
And keep my heart only open for those two..................
At that moment I will be reinvented....be brand new.

My Starbucks Cup Writing 9/07 "Taste"

This is my last share for the night from all the "writings" I'm going through. I'm too tired to start on "The Beach" which is a story I started writing in 2007 so I'll just share this.

Taste
Taste is a sensation that wanders throughout your mouth.
It's a feeling, a simple touch caused by texture
It's created in various parts of your brain
Taste is an aroma that makes you want more.
Taste is a feeling, taste is a thought.
Taste makes you yearn
Taste causes disgust
Taste defines you.
There is my starbucks cup writing of the day! I knew I could do it. Haha.

I carry your heart with me

This is a poem that I love.

I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
-e.e. cummings

Why I blog/post so much? And what I got in the mail today!

I decided at a moments notice to give up my favorite games on facebook and this is now all I have left to do as an excuse to stay in this room (besides clean and organize..eww). It is getting a little crowded in here though. It's my scrapbooking room and is now starting to look like it should be a closet with all the clothes and shoes I leave in here when I get off work!

And by the way, I thought I was going to starve at dinner tonight until I saw what I was supposed to eat on my diet and realized it's too much food. I'm used to eater less. Hope the salad won't miss me tonight. I just couldn't fit it in.

Also tomorrow, I'm super excited. I just received Just Dance 2 in the mail today for the wii and I'm going to totally kick butt. But first have to get Erik to set it up otherwise I will have to use duct tape to cover my mouth to keep in the frustration with the video game systems.

Bucket List (2008)

I forget sometimes that I used to have a myspace account. The thing is that it's still there with all that I've written on there. I decided to look for something specific. Something that I really like to write about so maybe I would know where to start. In there I found a bucket list I wrote in 2008!

I thought it was funny that I still had it and it's been that long ago. I have no clue what I have and haven't done so I will copy and paste it here. I'm pretty sure that most has NOT been accomplished. This will give me ideas of what I would like to add on though. I will highlight the ones I did accomplish unless of course they are too embarassing to share. :)

Bucket List 2008

I've been meaning to get this started so here goes. This is the beginning and will add on as time goes by and I realize there is more I want to do. Cheesy I know but much needed for me.
1.Go to England.
2.Hang in NYC and just be ME!
3.Get a perfect smile, really important to me. Braces here I come. Yikes.
4.Revisit Missoula alone with Dave.
5.Visit Maine
6.Travel to Boston
7.Run for more than half a mile.
8.Teach my love of criminal justice.
9.Write something worthy of being published in a journal publication.
10.Visit Mt. Rushmore
11.Learn another language fluently
12.Overcome a fear <---gotta figure out what my fears are these days.
13. Cruise to Alaska.
14.Do a charity walk/run.
15.Write my story.
16.Own a horse.
17.Write my children letters for them to read in their future.
18.Bring a new neighbor a welcome gift.
19.Start my own scrapbook crops.
20.Drink wine in the tub.
21.Pay for someone else behind me in a drive through.
22.Pick an amazing Random Act of Kindness.
23.Write my will
24.Figure out my funeral plans WAY in advance for sake of others.
25.Learn to shoot a gun at a gun range.
26.Take a cooking class. <-----not sure what I was thinking on this one. I hate cooking!
27.Have a dinner party.
28.Write a long story even if only for me to read.
29.Leave Xmas gifts on a random person in need's doorstep.
This is it for now. As time comes and goes maybe I will add but won't allow myself to subtract until they've been complete. 

Had to delete number 30. :) But it is sort of complete. LOL.

I know I have so many to already do and hope maybe having them on my blog to see will keep them closer to mind. I think I should add though since it is 2011.

31.Spend time totally alone in a different city and figure out what to do besides sleep and scrapbook.
32.Visit Paris. (Not alone!). :) Well unless Dave is still against going.
33. Play with Shrinky dink. LOL.
34.Move the HELL out of Texas.
35.Buy a Mercedes.
36.Go to another Country and allow myself to search deep inside to find out how who I really am.

Okay I was really stretching it on those because honestly I couldn't think of anything since my first list is still REALLY long.

Quote of the day!

"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."   
                                                                — Marilyn Monroe

The things I do to lose weight and other gloomy feelings.

I started a 14-day diet today. I realize once it's done with it will be up to me to continue to eat healthy and maintain. I don't worry too much about the maintenance since I am stuck there at the moment.

I learned that I REALLY hate grapefruit. I was almost praying that I would have a medication interaction with it. LOL. I am not eating anymore of that, going to have to find a good substitute.

My breakfast was half a grapefruit (I didn't hardly any of it..yuck) and toasted 45 calorie wheat bread. The bread was actually good considering I don't like wheat bread. And then some sugar free lemonade in my bottled water.

Lunch is a tomato (not enough time this morning to slice it), tuna, and diet dr. pepper.

And I can have carrots or celery for snacks. I opted for the carrots. This really better be worth it.

I have no idea what is for dinner, I am afraid to look. Luckily I don't eat a lot anymore as it is since I cut down a while back.

Last night though I did have a craving for In-N-Out Burger. I asked my husband where the nearest one is and his reply was "Phoenix, AZ." I looked at him like he was crazy and told him does it look I'm driving that far just for a burger and fries. LOL.

I think I need to go to California, particularly near Anaheim for some good food someday soon for In-N-Out Burger and an awesome pizza place that is there.

Enough talk of food, lunch is almost over.

On another note, I'm having an up and down emotional week.

One moment I know what I need and the next I don't.

I went home yesterday in a weird mood, luckily my night ended well but I feel the weird mood coming on again. I haven't felt this way in 4 years.Then again maybe I have.

I don't get it. Life is in many ways going so well. There are things that are better than they've been in a long time. My marriage has changed in many ways for the better. I feel more appreciated, loved, and understood. I've enjoyed the time well spent together. I feel like someone actually cares about me and my wants and needs. Yet I still having this impending gloom hanging over my head.

edited: I'm now home and feel just fine. 40 minute drive home can sometimes do wonders if you let yourself think about things. It can turn a good mood bad or make a bad one disappear.

I think it's a combination of two things. And neither of them I want to face. I think to myself, "do I lie or tell the truth?" I know the truth can lead to some of it being worked on but afraid of what all it will do to me. And I'm a horrible liar. It's just best I say nothing at all. I don't know, we will see what next week brings. Tuesday, I'll see how the mood is and go from there.

Everything has its consequences.

I promise to share some kind of positive news/words later.

Today is my last day of student teaching and I'm really tired. A nap always makes things a little better. :)

Another edit since I've walked in the door: Yesterday my pet peeve and driving force to really make me upset was about lying. And later I will touch on that. But today driving home I realized first of all just how dumb some of the lies I've been told have been and how stupid, gullible, or whatever you call it I was to believe them. I was literally laughing in the car and sure plenty of other drivers were thinking I was nuts.

So since I have a certain way I feel about lies, I figure that next week I won't ask myself, "do I lie or do I tell the truth" for two reasons. One I'm contradicting a belief I have and two I will be wasting my money and my time by lying to this person who gets paid whether or not I tell the truth. And I rather get my money's worth by telling the truth and being able to have help feeling better! :) At the same time telling the truth means I will have to tell something in addition that is embarrassing. Sigh. Maybe if it was a woman I was talking to it wouldn't be so bad. LOL.

Now I can only imagine what is in the minds of others.

Later I'll share my pet peeve about lying.

Better mood but still taking a nap!

Behind today. About my other son.

I intended to post much earlier in the day but life happened. :)

I came home and spent some time with my husband, went grocery shopping, and finally relaxing for a few moments before I go lay in the bed and read a book before I doze off to sleep.

Last night wasn't a good night of sleep. I don't know if it was too cold or too hot but it was something so tonight I'm actually extra tired and plan to go to bed earlier.

Tomorrow while at work if I have time I will edit this post and tell you about him since he is just as important as the other. But for now I'm off to eat my last junk food for the next two weeks. I'm starting a new "diet" for two weeks because I'm stuck at a stand still.

So off to eat, read, and fall asleep. Tomorrow is the last day of student teaching.

I am back! Something happened and now I'm wide awake. It figures since I have a lot to do before heading to work in the morning. 6:30am may not be early enough to get up. Sigh.

Okay about my oldest son. He is a Junior in High School and will be 17 in June. Just humor me and tell me that I don't look old enough to have a 17 year old, please. Otherwise midlife crisis is coming before midlife here. :)

He began Junior High and High School as a skater kid. He loved nothing other than to skateboard his life away. But I found with this comes physical, mental, and emotional reprecussions because of the type of people usually involved in this "sport" and what other things they do for recreation.

This year has really changed him. He decided to take on a new challenge. He is a lazy child by nature and will tell you so. But I've never seen him work so hard for something he truly wants. He decided to join the FFA in High School and it seemed to be a wonderful thing. He raised a pig this year.
He picked her out in October and had to care for her twice a day every single day of the week until February. He had a friend take him in the morning before school to feed her and then my husband or I would take him in the afternoon to feed her and clean up after her. He worked so hard. And I swear I don't think I've seen that kid in a pair of skater shoes or even tennis shoes for that matter this year. He is now almost a cowboy. He wears boots and wranglers every day.

His grades also went up during that part of the year because he had no choice if he wanted to show her. He made third place in the show and sold her for $950. I know it was hard to let her go but he truly earned all of it. He plans to use the money for drivers ed, a belt and buckle, and another pig for next school year.

Now if I can get him to thinking more about his future I would be ecstatic. I constantly bother him about colleges and trade schools and am getting no where. I'll wait a little longer but he needs to get on track now. He will be starting his senior year when school starts back up.

Beginning of Junior Year. (We shaved his hair off).

He was working his butt off to get the pen ready for the pig. Her name was Oreo.

Here he is feeding her. He would whisper "I love you" when no one was around or if he didn't think anyone could hear. :)

Erik looking at Oreo eat. This was while she was still little. She came to him at 35lbs I think it was and left at 219lbs.

Rub her belly and she just falls over.

She gave him a hell of a time when he bathed her.

My favorite picture of them. He had just got her and he wasn't wearing boots and listening to country music yet. LOL.

And this is how he used to look!

Still shocked we have one year and 2 months before he is an adult. (18). :(

College and Kids

This will be my last post of the night. My son, Erik, had me laughing so hard that I was nearly in tears. I make a point of talking to him about college on a regular basis even though he is only 10 years old. I think it may help ensure his future.

Well his first choice ever was Harvard. I'm not sure where, why, and how that came to his mind but it did. He said he wanted to go Ivy League. I researched the University for him and let him know that the major that he has currently in mind isn't offered there. (Archeology and paleontology)

Well he had me check out all the Ivy League Schools that did offer it. He decided on Brown. I have been alright with it except for the $$$$ but that's why I force him to be a swimmer. He is forced to swim every summer on the swim team, this will be his third year. I hope that maybe that on top of grades can be his foot in the door and for scholarships. He knows how much it will cost already, $200,000 for a 4 year education.

Well tonight I was on the phone and also talking to him at the same time and he whispers that he will go to college in Montana and I told him my heart was broke but I would back him up regardless. He told me it was because Brown will be too expensive and I told him that isn't for him to worry about right now.

Here's where it gets funny. So I hang up the phone and he tells me how about Cambridge. I thought wow that is really out there. I'm always curious where he gets his Universities from but hey he's a smart kid. I let him know it's in the UK but that wherever he chooses I will come visit often if not move near him. Poor child.

He gives me some fact about what Cambridge discovered about words, etc. Then he goes on to start talking with a British Accent. I thought I was going to die from laughing. He was explaining that I would have to talk like that if I visited him. I told him I'll just remain an American tourist.

While putting him to bed he wouldn't even stop praying with his accent. And when it was time for me to leave he said, "cheers." I have the absolute nuttiest child ever.

I never know who he is going to be on any given day. He can be British and occassionally Australian. My poor American child is confused. LOL. And Lord help him if he learns another language, we'll really be in for it. He used to know how to sign his alphabet and he would communicate with me that way when he didn't want people at school to know he was saying, "I love you!"

He does plan on living in China for 1-2 years, and Africa, Australia, Antartica, and England, and somewhere in South America. LOL. Hope he lives his dreams whatever they are.

Tomorrow I'll share pictures of my oldest child and some things about him.

My Last Scrapbook Goodie for a while.

This is the last package I've been waiting on to get here. I decided I can't buy anything else scrapbook related until June since there will be a lot of stuff to buy at the GASC Convention.

I had a wonderful friend remind me that it is April and we still have May between there just in case I had forgotten. Yikes! I have to try to stay strong and remember "MY" savings account is officially empty after paying for the convention. I signed up for $200 in classes alone and hotel is $300 plus taxes, etc. And I won't dip into my husbands savings or our joint savings either.

I go back to getting paid work on Thursday! My last day of student teaching is Wednesday and I've already received my teacher certification. I'll have to post a picture of the generic page I printed out in another post.

So for my last buy until June (unless I feel like I'm going to die which is possible).

But I do have plenty of new stuff to play with.
::I need a lot of moral support on this::

Let's see.

It looks like just a box to me. But hey I can work with that.

 Here's what is in that ugly brown box.

A pretty pink one. The Teresa Collins Stampmaker.

I'll be honest, it will probably stay in the box for a little while seeing ats the imagine and mini cricut cake machines are still in theirs.